Revved up with Itu Motuba

A cow, a taxi driver, a traffic officer, and a window washer walk into a bar… Sounds like the start of a joke, right? But as unlikely as it is for that crew to share a round at the local watering hole, they do have one thing in common — they’re all likely to appear smack dab in the middle of a South African road.

Welcome to Mzansi, where driving can feel like you’re in a Ninja Warrior obstacle course — in heels. And now that spring is here, we’ll be hitting the highways more: road-tripping to weddings, long weekends, and long-overdue visits to relatives. But while the weather’s warming and your playlist’s vibing, don’t let your guard down. Because here, just when you think it’s a smooth ride, the road throws you a plot twist. Driving safely isn’t just about a roadworthy car — it’s about staying alert enough to dodge the madness.

Let’s start with the magezas, taxi drivers who treat lanes as mere suggestions. Whether in Jozi’s chaos or a sleepy dorp, they weave through traffic like they’re auditioning for Fast & Furious: eKasi Drift. Not to be outdone, bus drivers thunder along like cruise ships with attitude — slightly more predictable, but equally scary due to their sheer size.

Then there’s our beloved traffic cops. Hiding behind bushes like leopards, armed with speed guns and that classic hand wave that makes your stomach drop. But truthfully? Most are friendly — unless you’re flying like you’re at Le Mans. I even wave at them for fun sometimes.

In the countryside, livestock rule the road. Cows, goats, the odd donkey cart — taking a chilled stroll like they own the joint. Depending on where you are, you might also meet a wild buck, roadkill, or small animals like stinky skunks. I once hit a guineafowl — traumatic stuff, I certainly would not want to relive that experience.

Then there are the street hustlers. At every robot, you’ll find someone selling snacks, toys, or surprise window washers appearing like ninjas — squeegee in hand before you’ve blinked. I understand that they also trying to make a living but sometimes they can turn to be a road hazzard.

Potholes? Ah yes — Mzansi’s version of Russian roulette. Some are so deep they feel like portals to another dimension. Your tyre, alignment, and ego can disappear in one go. They are scary because they can give you an unwanted puncture and that can be particular dangerous, especially if you are travelling at night.

And don’t forget overloaded bakkies. Towering stacks of furniture or garden refuse wobble with every bump, threatening to fall onto your bonnet like an action movie stunt gone wrong. Lastly, pedestrians. Some sprint across the road mid-traffic, others stroll casually as if cars are background extras. Throw in a few stray pets or kids chasing soccer balls and you’ve got a real-life game of Frogger.

So, as you embrace the season and head out for your spring adventures, just know this: driving in South Africa is never boring. It’ll test your reflexes, make you laugh, and give you more wild stories than a dinner party can handle. Buckle up. Stay alert. And enjoy the beautiful chaos — because on South African roads, the unexpected isn’t just possible… it’s guaranteed.